Breaking up isn't easy. It can be downright painful. A breakup isn't just the end of the relationship, but it's the end of the dreams and hope that you had for your future. It's the end of the plans that you made with your ex. Many people will tell you after a breakup that you need to get back out there and start dating. But before moving onto a new relationship, you need to handle the emotional trauma from your past relationship. If you don't do this you can cause irreparable damage to your new relationship and it could cost you the man you want to have in your life.
Before you move onto your next relationship reflect on these points:
1. Does your ex occupy your thoughts constantly? While it is normal for you to think about your ex sometimes, it they are constantly in your thoughts you need to allow yourself time to let these thoughts die down before you move on.
2. Do you still get worked up and upset when dealing with your ex? If you still have to deal with your ex for any reason it's normal to be upset but over time this will get easier and you'll be less emotional when you deal with them. A breakup can cause many intense feelings and again it takes time for you to be able to deal with your ex and be more emotionally detached.
3. Do conversations with friends and family still include your ex? This goes back to the first two points. We tend to speak with those closest to us about the things that are most important in our lives. If he's still the topic of conversation whether positive or negative you really haven't moved on yet.
4. Have you stopped trying to please your ex? Are you still doing special things for him? His friends? His family? Doing favors for him are no longer an obligation. So if you're still doing his laundry, calling to remind him of things, picking things up at the store for him, you're doing things that are keeping you in his life. You need to stop doing things for him to fee up your time and energy for finding new relationships.
5. Do you still have romantic feelings for your ex? Does the though of your ex with another partner upset you? Are you secretly hoping that you'll get back together? Do you have a hard time even imagining yourself with someone else? These emotional ties will wear off over time and your feelings will subside as you recover.
By reflecting on these points you can decide if you are ready to start a new relationship. The feelings and attachments you have for your ex can have an impact on any new relationship you have. Whether that impact is negative or positive depends on how you deal with these feelings. The process of healing after a breakup is something everyone goes through. It's a natural process. Each person deals with it differently and the times it takes to heal varies depending on the person and the relationship. Don't let anyone rush you into dating. Start dating again when it's right for you.