How Can I Get My Ex To Contact Me?

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The most heart-wrenching, stomach-churning part of the breakup process is always the same: waiting for your ex to make that all-important first contact.

Sometimes, it seems that call will never come. It'll look like your ex doesn't miss you, isn't even thinking about you, and is never going to text-message you again.

It's easy to despair, here. You'll start getting so depressed that you'll want to pick up the phone yourself. You'll want to do the unthinkable: call him first. Which you know, of course, is the worst idea in the world while trying to win him back.

So if your boyfriend hasn't made contact, what can you do? Is that it? Or are there really methods and techniques you can use to get him to make that first, crucial move in your direction?

After the Break Up: A Two-Sided Analysis

Before anything else, it helps to understand the anatomy of a break up... from both sides of the situation. For both the person doing the dumping and the person on the receiving end, there are bad feelings, bittersweet memories, relief, remorse, and regret.

For the person initiating the end of the romance, breaking away can be a long-sought reprieve. Keep in mind that not everybody breaks up at the first sign of trouble, and some couples stay in a bad relationship for way too long. Whatever caused the very end was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. The decision to end things might have been a long time in the making, which means it's not going to be an easy thing to reverse.

This is why knee-jerk breakups always make for the fastest reconciliations. If your ex broke up with you over something small and stupid (a dumb argument, etc... ) winning him back will be easy. It's a simple matter of fixing that one little problem, or the correct party apologizing, or whatever the case may be.

In the end though, the person breaking up with you has all the power. He holds all the cards (for now), and he guards the keys that can open the door to your past relationship.

On the other hand, the person who got dumped has NO power. She's the loser in the breakup; whether it was a long time coming or the breakup came from out of the clear blue sky, the person on the receiving end must do several key things before getting back together is even possible.

Learning to shift the balance of power back in your favor is key here. There are several good ways to do this, but it must be done correctly or you run the risk of pushing your ex in the other direction.

Both parties however, will feel pain. Both will feel remorse. Hey, something good came to an unwanted end. Think about that. If you were to go back to the first few days or weeks of your romance, and bring your ex back there as well, think either of you would want to let your relationship go? Of course not.

This is exactly the reason why there is ALWAYS HOPE. No matter what happened to sour the romance and break you up, there's always a way to backtrack... a path that leads exactly back to the way things were, regardless of what happened along the way. Yes, even in the case where he cheated on you, or if you were unfaithful to him.

Fastest Ways to Get Your Ex To Miss You

Think about what it takes to miss somebody. Can you miss them if they're always there? What about if they're always within arm's reach, or just a few keyclicks away on your cellphone?

Not so much, right? Because what it takes to REALLY miss someone is not seeing them for a while. Not talking to them. Not being able to contact them whenever you feel like it.

This is when you think about someone the most: when you can't get to them. It's human nature, really. Just like when you want something most when you know you can't have it.

NOW you understand why your ex boyfriend isn't missing you right now; you haven't really gone away. Your ex knows you're still in love with them, or hung up on them, and they know they can reach you anytime they want. Rather than miss you, they're provided with a nice, cushy breakup safety net. Without even saying much, you're letting them know they can have you back at the drop of a hat (or with the touch of a few buttons).

To get your boyfriend interested again, you have to shake his confidence. To make him want you, you need to become scarce. Rare. Valuable.

Talking to Your Ex Boyfriend After the Breakup

If you made your ex contact you first, good for you. It's a great signal that he's missing you a lot, and if you're looking to win him back you're already halfway there. That said, you still have work to do.

But even if you haven't managed to get him to call first? That's still okay. There are reasons you can use to contact your ex, as long as you've gone the required amount of time without contacting your ex. Yes, this is difficult. Yes, it's painful. But if you want good results when you finally do call him? You'll want to make sure you've steered clear of ALL contact for at least this long.