One of the more socially important topics within the dating world is whether a man is an "alpha male" or a "beta male." However, there is a major flaw in feedback as to what exactly makes a man an "alpha" perceived by women. Once and for all, we are going to try to settle the debate on what exactly is an "alpha male" and who is one and who is not. And what exactly is the "turn on" and "hang up" with the whole alpha male vs. beta male.
The 2 Types of Alpha Males
Type 1: this type is reserved for any animal who lives in the wild where "survival of the fittest" kind of, sort of comes into play. I say "kind of, sort of" because even within the wild kingdom of the animals there is a sort of unspoken code they all abide by. This code is that aggression and violence is only expressed when necessary. Meaning, when the need for food calls for it, or to defend oneself from a threat or defending one's territory.
However, the exception to this rule is the expression of aggression and violence between males to determine who has the right to mate and/or lead the group. Here you will see that majority of the alpha males are the younger mature, larger, and stronger males of any given species of any family. This holds true regardless on whether or not that the animal is a carnivore, herbivore or omnivore. To which the older, slower, weaker, and perhaps having slight loss in mass (due to aging) is bumped out of the alpha position.
Type 2: this second type applies to the human animal who lives and interacts in modern society and not in some pre-historic times. Here too we find that men engage in a "contest of the fittest," however, the definition of 'fittest' changes due to lacking the need for the constant literal struggle to fight for one's food and possessions.
Instead, fittest can be looked at in two distinct ways. 1) that a man can easily integrate into society and be a productive member of his family, community, nation, etc., 2) that a man has the confidence to dare be who he really is without folding or bending to others (without being too abrasive or overbearing about it). Meaning, does he claim his personal territory (in all things) or does he constantly submit to those who invade such space without a fight?
The 2 Types of Beta Males
Type 1: in the wild animal world, a beta male is one that is secondary to the alpha male (in reference to wolves and wolf packs). Basically, the alpha male's "right hand man," their trusted lieutenant that can keep the other subordinates in line and enforce the rules produced by the alpha male. Outside of the wolf pack, the term "beta male" is not applicable... unless of course you want to include the Beta fish though this correlation is beyond ridiculous (remember this because their behavior will come into play later).
Type 2: in the modern human world, a beta male is classified as being on the lowest end of the totem pole of desirable possible partners. Which means you are either on top of the hierarchy or you are cast down with all others below. And if deemed or perceived as a "beta male" by women, your chances of attracting a partner (for any type of relationship) decreases dramatically. Taking into account that this perspective is based on the notions presented by such women who believe such things.
In all fairness, a "beta male" can also be considered a contestant or challenger to the "alpha male" role. Which in a way is a hybrid between Type 1 & Type 2 Alpha Males, whereas a beta male challenges an abusive, irresponsible or reckless alpha. However, we can safely assume that a human beta male is one who feels the need to prove oneself and "call out" or "challenge" others perceived as "alpha males" by this beta male. Which is done so out of one's one fears, insecurities, and lack of true confidence (not borrowed confidence).
Popularly Believed 'Alpha Male' Traits
Confidence: number one on this list is confidence, but the given description of what kind of confidence reveals the stupidity and shallow mindset of the women who seek their "confident man." Many associate being an asshole or cocky to being an expression of confidence. However, this is far from the truth. Reason being is that both are tools of a bully to make oneself feel better about themselves, i.e., self-validation or validation by their peers.
An a$$hole is a direct bully who desperately tries to convince everyone around him (and himself) that he is a tough guy or "dominant." The cocky male is an indirect bully, using passive-aggressive methods to do the same as their a$$hole counterpart.
Another form of confidence women associate as "sexy" and "alpha" is when a male is confident upon his approach of women when advancing on them. So even if the guy fakes like he isn't nervous upon his engagement of her attention, she will perceive this as "confidence." Which is why "players" are often associated with being very confident and charismatic men, however, this is not necessarily true. Not giving a sh!t and thinking very little of the woman (other than a sexual object) enough to deliberately lie and manipulate them isn't an expression of confidence nor is it charming.
Being A Leader: here is one that many commonly associate as being "alpha male." So popular is this belief that even military branches use this as a test to see who is the alpha of any given group. The idea is that only a true alpha male will assume the role of leader... to which all others submit to his dominance and willingly become his subordinates.
The flaw in this is that there are three or four different types of leaders, most of which are self-serving and not really taking into account of what is best for the group as a whole. Meaning, sometimes the "alpha male" (who assumes control and leadership of a group) may know nothing or have little to no experience with the task at hand yet takes up a leadership role out of sheer narcissistic reasons. Another reason is simply out of laziness-if they are up there barking orders they aren't "in the trenches busting their a$$."
Another flaw is that because of modern sophistication philosophies and ideas, aggression; violence; or challenging another is seen as "bad," many true leaders instead remain within the group and lead by example rather than by barking orders. So it may seem that the narcissist is leading the group but in fact it is the several true alphas working together as a team to lead the group, while the "beta males" within follow their lead.
Charming & Charismatic: being charming or charismatic is another trait associated with an "alpha male." This is mostly due to two varying reasons, 1) they are outgoing and perceived as interesting, i.e., life of the party, so they are 'fun', and 2) they are assumed to be confident because they are so attractive by sheer attitude alone.
Yes, being a 'people person' is an attractive trait and in fact naturally draws people to an individual with attentive ears and attitudes, which is not a necessary trait to be considered "alpha." Reason being is that not all alpha males are leaders, or should I say, not all alpha males feel the need to be in a leadership role. Have you ever met an intriguing or interesting person that was not in a leadership position? Better yet, have you ever been interested automatically in someone who was in a leadership position?
Charm and charisma relate more to one's ability to naturally express themselves and not really care what others think... all while taking into consideration other people's emotions, ideas and beliefs. This is not to be confused with being afraid to express oneself fully or backing down on one's stance. A person as such also carries with them a strong sense of confidence through creating positive solutions to obstacles encountered in whatever endeavor they are engaged in.
Yet this has nothing to do with being a Type 1 Alpha Male that so many choose to focus on as being the one true "alpha male." Simply because this type of alpha male rules by way of dominance, aggression and threat of violence, I.,e., fear. Rather than naturally letting their presence command respect from others, they feel the need to demand it using external influences. Fine for animals, not so much for humans in modern society. In fact, such an attitude and display would have gotten this human "alpha male" exiled from the tribe they were in.
Assertive: here is yet another trait that has two different meanings that are applied to it and some choose to see only one or the other as the true definition. The first is that of being one who is courageous to go after what they want or do what needs to be done; confident and forceful personality.
The second chooses to only focus on the 'forceful' part and twist it to mean a "go-getter"; domineering; to take; steal, etc. And this is the version so many commonly assume as the definitive and absolute definition of 'assertiveness.' Apply this to their ideal of an "alpha male" and you basically get a criminal, an abusive person or bully. These types of individuals would also be exiled from a tribe or killed if displaying such traits among their community. (Sometimes the family of such an "alpha male" would be subject to his punishment as well so... ).
Being Big, Tall, and Handsome: not much to say here but there are some people, especially women, who think and believe that the size of a man's frame equates to his status and value as an alpha male. Going one step further, to say that the handsome ones (in addition to being tall and/or big) possess much more value and therefore... more alpha than the tall and big alpha males?
Obviously we can see just how ridiculous this sounds by reading that out loud and hearing how it sounds. The physical size of a human male makes no difference as to their value as a person no more than the shape and size of a woman's body does her value as person. Yet another absurdity brought about by the common simpletons of society. As there are so many flaws in this thinking I don't even need to list and explain any of them.
Being Dominant: here is a popular idea that is applied by the commoner as a trait of an "alpha male." The idea behind it is that only an alpha male will seize and take control of any and all situations. Assuming the top or highest role in anything they do... because of their bada$$ery... I guess.
One major flaw is that any one person will never be in full control of any given situation at all times nor will they always be placed on the highest position in any hierarchy (just because). The truth of the matter is that any given time of day, anyone can assume dominance over another. So where does a shorter, smaller male manager or CEO fit into this equation versus their minimum wage, common male associate employees who are taller and larger fit in here? There is a bit of a contradictory to the rule... or are they now the exception (out of convenience)?
Being Muscular & Physically Strong: apparently being in good physical shape is considered an alpha male trait (in humans) yet a major problem arises when we try and break that down into a more precise definition. So what is considered peak physical shape? Is it being good shape with some muscle tone and build (universally athletic type), is it being very muscular and bulky in muscle mass and supreme definition (body builder type) or is it being huge yet powerfully strong (strong man competitor type)?
So does this mean there is now a hierarchy amongst the alpha male label too, since each category of fit man fits the defining trait? The very idea that physical condition has anything to do with being an "alpha male" is beyond absurd and down right idiotic.
Being an A$$hole & Aggressive: lastly we have those who associate a$$holes and aggressive individuals as displaying "alpha male" traits. Creating the rationalization that only an alpha male will assert their dominance over others and remind everyone that they are "top dog." Some are just straight out rude bastards, others utilize intimidation while others simply resort to making as much noise (literally and figuratively) as possible to communicate this to everyone around them.
It is here that we find the individuals who live by the problematic and made up existence of reality referred to as "dog-eat-dog world" or "survival of the fittest." The ideological philosophy known as "machismo" is also influenced by such theories of reality-as well as the belief system/lifestyle I call 'Hip-hopism.'
The general idea of all these listed above is to be perceived as the baddest, the toughest, and the best, all while not giving a $hit about anyone else. In fact, using others is not only seen as a necessary tool within these ideologies but also encouraged and seen as honorary acts. They will always express themselves with an "in your face" approach in anything they do and are destructive in nature.
The interesting thing about individuals who display such characteristics is that they do not realize how ridiculous they look, sound and act. The desperation for attention is so strong and obvious that they appear to be like a low level competitor trying to get a chance at the championship title by 'insulting' the champion (a.k.a., real alpha males). This pathetic plea for attention is the very reason why such individuals are loud in voice, loud in bravado, and have loud sound systems for all to hear in their vehicles (e.g., subwoofers without proper interior insulation).
Simply put, they always seem to express themselves in such a way that implies that they have something to prove to others and more importantly, to themselves. Which is more rooted from fear... not confidence. So anyone who thinks ghetto trash/thugs, hustlers and players are confident and are alpha males needs a reality check.
True Traits of an 'Alpha Male'
Confidence: at the very top of the list in all things is how much confidence one has in what they do or are doing. However, many neglect to bring into the equation that there are many different types of confidence and one can have any number of these yet lack others... so does that mean they lack confidence?
Confused yet? Good. As stated, humans can have various types of confidence and with varying degree within each type. Such forms of confidence are (but not limited to): self-image, public relations, sexuality, combative, athletic, intellectual, academic, emotional, mental and even confidence in approaching and talking to people deemed attractive (approaching the gender of preference).
So for example, a man who is shy when it comes to interacting verbally with women is seen as lacking confidence (as a whole). Yet individuals foolishly fail to see that this man may be the most confident sexually/intimately, sport-wise, and possess a strong sense of confidence in self-image. But because he is an introvert and chooses not to openly engage in verbal interactions with people, he is seen as having no confidence (across the board). Nothing is an absolute.
Charm: charm and having charisma has everything to do with being likeable. If you are not likeable, how can you succeed in anything in regards to interacting with other people. Take for example, getting a job, holding a job and obtaining and keeping friends let alone a romantic relationship.
Please note that I must distinguish the difference between those that put on a good act or express false bravado in order to gain favor of people. As these types are nothing more than trickster, imposters that need to rely on nefarious manipulation and deception in order to be perceived as likeable by others. They are superficial and petty at best.
The very idea behind a man being considered as 'charming' is that he is not afraid to express himself truly but in a respectful manner (as opposed to being overbearing or abrasive or fake). Only a man who has figured out who he is and what he wants to accomplish in life will be able to freely express himself in such a way that he naturally draws people's attention to him (even if but for a brief moment). Meaning, within minute fleeting moments with such a person one comes out feeling better or uplifted or more intrigued (results will vary by degree).
Humility: a true human alpha male is humble in his expression yet may declare their strengths when called for. A truly confident man feels no need to force others to acknowledge his presence and is content with sitting alone quietly to the side or corner. Even when intermixing with others there is no need to initiate elaborate gestures, movements or verbal cues to distinguish himself from everyone else. He simply knows that just being his true self is enough to communicate this to others.
Considerate: the human alpha male will always take into consideration how one's actions, words or thoughts may affect or effect others. Take for example, when walking through a doorway he may hold the door open for the next person following behind rather than just passing through and allowing the door to close on the person behind him (regardless of perceived gender). Another example is the alpha male will politely shift his body when passing others on a narrow passage (without giving way to his own personal space).
He understands and takes into account that every decision and action he does can have a direct or indirect effect on others and thus takes action to minimize such negative imprints on people. An alpha male will never just change lanes while driving without first looking to see if the lane is clear and he has enough space to do so safely. An alpha male will never engage in a "chest puffing contest" with another male just for the sake of defending his ego.
Honesty: this not only ties in with being trustworthy, but also means truly expressing himself and not just regurgitating words just for the sake of saying words. There is a purpose underlining everything they do, yet allowing for times of pure playful fun. Remember that everything is done in such a way that expresses the self fully, without allowing the Ego Entity to contaminate things.
Such an individual has nothing to prove because they possess true overall confidence in themselves (even if having poor self-image, emotional issues, etc.). Therefore they will not shout aloud so as to be heard by raising their voice (for no apparent reason) nor will they express this need for attention by intrusively listening to their music (forcing all others to acknowledge their presence). And they certainly do not dress a certain way just because such a 'style' is deemed popular. Their natural expression of self does this, along with their acts (to which they apply their personality and character unto).
Responsibility: the human alpha male takes and assumes responsibility for his actions, decisions and words expressed. This also means confessing and giving himself to the drawback of his mistakes and acknowledging such a thing occurred. Often accompanied with an apology when called for. This acceptance transcends beyond just taking responsibility in such conventional ways, it moves into a form of expression. The alpha male expresses responsibility from himself naturally and effortlessly.
We are not merely talking about someone who "has his $h!t together" or owns material possessions or pays their bills on time. Even immature beta males do this... hell, even man-children do. What I speak of is that a true human alpha male will take up the responsibility in everything he does: takes pride in his work, takes pride in his overall appearance and presentation (verbally and attitude), and engages fully in every interaction he engages in with others. The true alpha male also has respect for himself and his character.
Maturity: here is one that may seem 'foreign' or 'alien' to too many out there. A true alpha male is mature. What I mean by that statement is that he has developed a sense of when things are appropriate and when things are not appropriate. There is always a time and a place for anything and everything we do in life.
A true alpha male knows when its time to play around, when its time to be serious, when its time to get aggressive, when its time to be responsibly irresponsible, and when its time to get sexually playful.
Respectful: the human alpha male is respectful to anyone and everyone he comes in contact with, but will relinquish respect given to those who show no respect to him or others. This is highly due to one's expression of character. And the alpha male is keen on other people's character.
Therefore, the alpha male will be respectful to those who are respectful and may express contempt to those who seem compelled to disrespect others and/or seem to demand it from others using various nefarious and aggressive manipulation tactics. Here is when the human alpha male may choose to be like the Type 1 alpha male and shut down the problem wolf within the pack (putting them back in their place so to speak). And this does not always have to mean by way of utilizing physical methods, there are ways of using verbal projections, and even one's spiritual presence alone is sometimes enough.
Strong In Stance: here is an interesting trait associated with an alpha male, one that somewhat relates to the Type 1 Alpha Male. The alpha male will "stand their ground" when within their "territory" or for what they strongly believe in. This is not to be confused for defending one's ego or to feed one's ego.
An alpha male will hold his position whenever he strongly feels any one way about anything or when it comes to his personal space. However, he will also retract any statement that is proven to be a mistake and apologize for words misspoken. The true alpha male feels no need to impose oneself into another's personal space (just to prove how tough he is... remember, he needs no validation). But he may also impose himself into the personal space of a beta male who challenges him in their usual ways (explained in the next segment).